Happy Halloween Ya Scumbags!

As I’m making my coffee in the morning my cat routinely comes into the kitchen and stands next to my legs to greet me, lightly brushing with his tail every so often. I pick up the little critter and set him on the bar to stroke his orange coat for a bit before giving him a few treats. After gobbling the morsels, he then runs outside on the deck to get some fresh air and to harass random chattering and angry squirrels simply trying to access their mythical, hidden cache. This is part of our routine, something that promotes health and wellness. It’s a great thing to be a wild and crazy guy, but we also need routines to settle our brain so it’s able to compute correctly. What is the significance of this? Nothing. Just another day…except today is Halloween! 

I tried to watch a bit of the World Series last night, but it’s difficult to be attentive as I don’t have a dog in the race. No doubt, this has to be the most ‘Merica Fall Classic of all time as you have a crew of trash-can-banging cheaters from a state that instituted abortion laws that have reverted humanity and women’s rights back to the Vatican of the 1300’s, (still up in the air if we can burn a hussy at the stake) or you can root with an assortment of redneck managerie eating processed nacho cheese out of a pork barrel and periodically switching off on chanting the “tomahawk chop” with the intro to a shitty White Stripes song the whole goddamn game. On occasion my subconscious was discombobulated and I had to stop for a moment and assure myself that I was watching a baseball game and wasn’t mysteriously transported to a klan rally by aliens via Jewish space lasers. My friend overheard the chanting from the other room and said simply, “stupid,” and I just chuckled as I polished off my Budweiser and smashed the can against my forehead. I’m no paragon of virtue either, obviously, but it was a good game in the end despite the psychic fallout–Braves won 3-2.

There was an article in some mainstream-newspaper-fishwrap where the hack stated that the rubes (the fans) must enjoy baseball in the present moment  because these prima-donnas will be striking next year. “You must savor every inning as if it’s your last.” I thought, who gives a toss? I refuse to give in to the effete demands of millionaires and billionaires and their nihilist institution! Besides, my team will be a shit show next year anyway, and if I need my junkie fix I can always watch Japanese baseball (NPB) or go check out my local sandlot team. I heard the Austin Grackles are supposed to be pretty good, and they sport some sweet ball-caps. I guess you could say that I’m entering my end of the year, cynical “baseball sucks” neurosis routine until spring training starts again, this time without Bob Melvin for the first time in over a decade. No doubt, I’ll probably read a few books about players and seasons from the past over the winter and let out a prolonged sigh. 

I got tix tonight to see John Carpenter’s original 1978 classic, Halloween, and I’m excited to see it on the big screen for the first time. It’s a typical slasher trope that teenagers are killed for having pre-marital sex, but one of the characters is strangled for casually thinking about banging her boyfriend on the way to pick him up in her 1977 Chevrolet Monte Carlo. Ain’t that the way it goes? Life sometimes just ain’t fair. I’ve also decided that I’m taking a break from this crusty ‘ol blog and wont see you guys again until April. Until then, stay well and warm, don’t eat all the kid’s candy, leave the “bag snatching” to the teens, and when you start seeing double it’s time to leave the bar. 

10 thoughts on “Happy Halloween Ya Scumbags!

  1. retrosimba

    You gave us a gem of a post to enjoy while on your break from this blog. I share your thoughts about the matchup of this World Series. Baseball took away the All-Star Game from Atllanta because of Georgia’s racist voting restrictions, but it allows Atlanta to participate in what is supposd to be baseball’s showcase series. The team that finished fifth overall in the National League now stands on the brink of becoming World Series champions. Baseball has made its regular season a farce and its postseason just another exhibition-game session. Both owners and players will spend the winter arguing how to expand the postseason to make it even more of a lucrative scam. The games pretty much will exist only for the sportsbook revenue.

    Sincerely hope you take care and enjoy the time away from the blog.

    Reply
  2. thelalatheory

    I don’t know a g.d. thing about baseball but I always get a big kick out of your writing. Enjoy your time off!

    Reply
  3. hellosamanthadear

    I love reading your blog posts; your writing style is brilliant and absolutely hilarious – I laughed out loud several times while reading this!!! Thanks for leaving us with another blog post gem and enjoy your blog break!

    Reply

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